This 8-week course was facilitated by Peter Wilkes, Catherine Lavelle and Rona Mackenzie.
It follows on from the Introduction to Insight course.
SESSION 1 – THE OBSERVER AND THE SENSE OF SELF.
At the end of the introduction to insight practice course we considered the observer function of the mind and the question arising from our meditations “Who am I? Am I my thoughts or the observer of those thoughts?” In this first session of the intermediate course we return to these questions to remind ourselves of where we have arrived in our insight practice before looking more deeply into the sense of self.
When we rest our awareness on the breath (or on an external meditation support) and return to it every time our mind drifts away we begin to see that one part of the mind is capable of observing what the rest of the conscious, active mind is doing. The term observer or witness describes what is our natural capacity for self-reflective awareness – simply meaning our awareness of what we are thinking and feeling at any one time. At first it can be difficult to observe what the mind is doing because we get caught up in thinking very easily but as we continue to practice, the ability to observe becomes clearer and more stable. At that point we can begin to look more closely at the mind and ask questions of ourselves – “Who am I – am I my thoughts or that which is capable of observing them?”
To answer this question requires looking deeper into the mind through feeling rather than thinking. In this we are beginning to leave behind not only the tendency to be caught in conceptual proliferation but also the superficial reactivity of many of our feelings and emotions. In other words, we are delving deeper into our feeling mind and allowing ourselves to experience deep seated attitudes, insecurities and fears arising from our conditioning. In this session we engage in 2 practices of about 30minutes each to look at the activity of the observer and its nature.
Practice 1 – What is the observer doing? A meditation practice in which participants, after settling, grounding and coming to rest, are invited to be the observer of their thoughts and to notice the manner in which the observer is interacting with the thoughts that it is observing. What is it that the observer is doing? Is it seeking to control the flow of thought or change it to suit itself?
Practice 2 – The nature of the observer. A practice in which we are invited to gently begin the process of looking into the nature of the observer and to consider where the sense of self resides in the mind. How does the sense of self interact with the observer?
At this point in our insight practice we are beginning to feel deeply into our minds and to challenge many of the assumptions that we have lived by and with for most of our lives. It is inevitable that at times strong feelings and emotions will arise and that sometimes we will become conscious of long suppressed memories. To help us deal with these there is a need to draw on the “Dealing with Difficulty” techniques that we will have learned in our basic mindfulness training. We also need to learn to practise self-compassion and to develop support mechanisms should we feel the need to talk things over with other people.
SESSION 2 – THE COMPONENTS OF THE SENSE OF SELF.
As we begin to settle the mind and are able to observe the rising and falling away of thoughts, feelings and emotions, so we become aware that we are instinctively claiming ownership of what is arising for us. In other words, we are labelling everything that arises into the mind as mine. This claiming possession of the thought stream may at times be very subtle but is always present to some degree. Recognising and acknowledging this sense of ownership leads us to the realisation that we have a very deep-seated sense of I, me and mine, and that it is this sense of self that “owns” the stream of thoughts, feelings and emotions arising in the mind. At first experience the sense of self may seem rather vague and difficult to quantify so in order to understand how it is constructed we can begin by looking at the roles that we play in life and how our self-view is determined by them.
Practice 1 – Feeling how we define ourselves in relation to the present. A practice in which we carefully and gently reflect on the roles that we have in our present lives, feeling into their meaning for us and how they come to define us and create an identity. This practice ends with a short period of self-compassion to remind us that to gain the full benefit from these meditation practices we must be kind and caring to ourselves.
Practice 2 – Reflecting on past events and the sense of self. A meditation practice reflecting on the past events of our lives, how those events affect the feeling of our sense of self and considering how they may influence the judgements that we make in our daily lives. Again, finishing this practice with a period of self-compassion.
As we continue to examine the sense of self in these sessions, we may find that using the following exercise whenever we can during our daily life is helpful: –
Contemplate the various possible components of the sense of self looking at, for instance, the identities that we assume in relation to our roles in society including our jobs, our hobbies and groups of which we may be a part. Consider the processes that are involved in producing and reinforcing these identities looking, for instance, at the judgements and comparisons that we make with others, the conditioning to which we may have been exposed, our body image and so on. Reflect on how this may determine our view of ourselves – who do we think that we are and what sort of person do I think I am – and what we feel is our place in society? Ask yourself how your sense of self arises from moment to moment and how the feelings that you have about yourself come into being? Who or what defines who you are? On what basis do you make judgements about yourself?
Please be aware that this exercise is primarily a feeling exercise that should involve meditating on the questions that have been posed. It’s important to see through meditation practice how you feel about the roles that you play in your life and then to allow the feelings to feed through into intellectual thought. Your feelings will guide you to find what is most important and lead you to a realisation of the emotional processing that is taking place in the mind from which intellectual understanding can arise.
SESSION 3 – THE EGOCENTRIC PREFERENCE SYSTEM.
As our sense of self grows during childhood, we begin to develop another sense that seems to fit neatly into our new found feeling of self – a sense of preference. This seems to be a natural way of making sense of the sensations that we are receiving and viewing as mine by classifying them. The feeling of being hungry which drives us to seek food is compared to the feeling of being well fed or full. Hunger is felt to be unpleasant because it demands some action whilst feeling well fed and full is regarded as being pleasant because with it we feel secure and we relax and fall asleep. Gradually our world which had started as being one of “no-self” and “one taste” becomes not only full of our self and others but also of good and bad, hard and soft, happy and sad and so on.
We can use the sense of preference to investigate the sense of self by looking at the judgements that we make in our daily lives and reflecting on how they arise and where they come from. We are already familiar with the fact that our own judgements may be different from those of other people and that we all have our likes and dislikes. In this session we are introduced to the concept of the Egocentric Preference System (EPS) as a useful tool in our insight practice. The EPS describes our individual system of judgement and preference as being part of our sense of self. As such it provides us with a way of looking at how one aspect of the sense of self is constructed.
Practice 1 – Observing the expression of preference. A practice in which participants are invited to observe the judgements or the expression of preference that their minds are making all the time and asking the question “Who is making the judgements?”
Practice 2 – From where do the judgements that we make arise? A practice in which we carefully and gently reflect on the past events of our lives feeling into the judgements that we are making and feeling how those judgements arise.
SESSION 4 – HOW DOES THE SENSE OF SELF ARISE?
Arriving at the point when we begin to feel the how the sense of self depends upon the roles that we play in life and that we have a system of preference that is determined by our social, educational and cultural background we can begin to consider how the sense of self comes into being. An important observation that arises is that the sense of self is fluid and that it is not fixed or permanent in any way. Reflecting in meditation on the manner in which the sense of self arises from moment to moment leads to the realisation that much of what we think of as me is constructed by the mind in response to the conditioning events of our life. Whilst this can result in a sense of freedom – “I don’t have to be me anymore” – and other realisations there are much greater insights to come when we begin to look more deeply into the nature of our existence.
Practice 1 – Feeling into the sense of self. A meditation in which we come to rest in open awareness and are invited to feel into the sense of self noticing as we do so how it feels. Is it solid? Does it vary? Reflecting on how the sense of self feels during our normal activities we ask ourselves when does it feel fixed and strong and when does it feel soft and open? How has our conditioning helped to create our sense of self?
Practice 2 – Experiencing the sense of self on a moment-by-moment basis. A practice that invites us to reflect on the totality of our experience in any moment and to feel how that experience is always changing. Just as our experience is always changing so our sense of self is constantly varying and being constructed by the mind on a moment-by-moment basis. A practice in which we rest and reflect that we do not need to be bound by the idea of who we think we are.
So how does the sense of self come into being? Imagine that you are a foetus in the womb. Your whole life is your mother. Your food, your warmth, your security comes from her. In fact, at this point in your existence you are part of her. There is no sense of separation from her and hence no need for a self.
Then you are born and suddenly you are subject to sensations that you have never experienced before. Warmth, coolness, the touch of blankets on your skin, maybe a moment of pain as a pinprick is made to obtain a drop of blood, and then hunger as for the first time your stomach feels empty. All of these sensations come into awareness and are felt in the mind. Where do they come from and who it is that is feeling them? In order to make sense of this sudden surge of new experiences the mind imputes a sense of self. These are my experiences, that pinprick of pain is coming from my heel, that sensation of hunger is from my stomach and it does not feel good. The foundations of the sense of self are being constructed and as you develop from a baby into a toddler and through childhood layer upon layer of sensations, feelings and the influences of social and cultural conditioning add more and more building blocks to the self. By the time you are an adult a huge edifice or fortress of self in the mind has been built which is who you feel you are. Sometimes this edifice seems softer and less well defined than others, sometimes it seems to change slightly but it is always there in form or another. In this session and the ones that follow we are looking at the processes of construction of this self and beginning to contemplate what we will experience when we finally obtain the emotional realisation that the self is a construct of the mind.
SESSION 5 – THE CONCEPT OF NO SEPARATION.
One of the consequences of having a sense of self is that we naturally feel ourselves to be separate from all other people and from all other things around us. When we realise that our sense of self is fluid and is constructed by the mind on a moment-by-moment basis we can begin to look at the sense of separation in more detail. Based on what we have already experienced we can say that our sense of being separate from others is a construct of the mind, derived from our habitual ways of thinking, feeling and acting. The sense of a me inside produces what is known as duality, that is, the experience of an external, objective world outside us. We spend our time identifying with things outside us – money, possessions, career etc – that we think can provide security and happiness. This activity naturally reinforces the sense that there’s a “me” separate from others. The solution to this is to see through the illusion of separation. I am not inside, peering out at an external world but rather I am what the whole world is doing, right here and now. The realisation of non-separation frees me to live in a way that contributes to the well-being of the whole, because I no longer feel apart from that whole. Moreover, it enables me to begin to see how the sense of separation, which is often referred to as the experience of duality, is one of the roots of suffering and how we can gradually progress towards release from that suffering.
Practice 1 – The vast space of awareness. A meditation in which we are invited to experience the space of awareness and how everything can be felt arising into and falling away from awareness not as something solid and fixed but as a fleeting impression. Our sense of self can also be felt in this way as not solid and fixed but as an impression that flickers and changes.
Practice 2 – Softening the boundaries with loving-kindness. A 30minute meditation in which we are invited to make contact with our innate sense of caring, kindness and love and allow it to begin to fill our bodies and minds. As we become filled with loving-kindness we feel its softness, gentleness and openness and we allow it to soften the boundaries between us and others so that our sense of being connected with others is strengthened.
SESSION 6 – THE PROBLEM OF INHERENT EXISTENCE.
When we look at the world in which we live it appears as if everything exists through its own separate nature or essence that makes each thing what it is, including our sense of self. To conceive of people and things existing in and of themselves, through their own core nature is called inherent existence. When we look at ourselves, we refer to my mind and my body, as if there exists a separate self somewhere. The self is seen as the owner of the mind and body, which of course are both transitory, whilst the self is viewed as an underlying, unchanging essence or core. However, when we search for such an independent self within or even apart from the mind and the body, we cannot find anything. Our sense of self is a conceptual construct that we mistakenly believe to have its own intrinsic nature.
Objects of every kind such as apples, cars, people and more subtle things such as thought, feelings and sensations, are conventionally identified or located by characteristics that are relative to other characteristics, such as large is too small, hard is to soft, coarse is to subtle and so on. When we contemplate how an apple comes into being we realise that it does not create itself or exist in itself but rather is dependent on the sun, the rain, the earth in which apple trees grow, the insects that pollinate the flowers and many other things. The existence of apples is dependent on a great many factors and conditions. This dependence on other things is known as dependent arising or co-dependent origination. Everything arises in dependence on everything else and there are no independent, self-existing objects that can be found to exist. There are no self-established things.
Despite intellectual recognition of this and the fact that we know everything changes, we have a deep-seated tendency to assume falsely that people and things have fixed, inborn natures that make them what they are. To see through this delusion is very important because it is the fundamental error that leads to the continual grasping and aversion that underlies all of our suffering. Realising the lack of inherent existence and the nature of dependent arising frees us from the view of being a separate, contained self in a world of separate, contained people and things. It frees us from constant grasping after security and happiness whilst seeking to suppress everything that gives rise to unhappiness, conflict and fear.
Practice 1 – Opening to our experience with love. A meditation practice in which we are invited to open to our experience with love, welcoming whatever arises and reminding ourselves of the truth that lies within the “Guest House” poem by Rumi.
Practice 2 – Resting with the whole of our experience and observing the arising of all phenomena. A practice in which participants are invited to come to rest and open their awareness to the 5 external senses and to the mind in order to observe the arising of the whole of their experience. The invitation is to consider how everything arises in a manner that is dependent upon everything else.
SESSION 7 – DUALITY, SEPARATION AND THE SENSE OF SELF.
We have said that as our sense of self forms we begin to develop a sense of preference. The practical implication of this is that our world which had started out as being one of “no-self” and “one taste” becomes not only full of our self and others but also of good and bad, hard and soft, happy and sad and so. In other words, we begin to experience the world as full of dualities.
The world of dualities becomes more subtle as we become adults. Pairs of opposites clearly represent a duality but even when we do not clearly define an opposite to something, a fundamental duality is made in our minds, consciously or sub-consciously, between that thing and what is not that thing. This includes the duality we assume between any thing’s existence and its non-existence and also between its presence and absence. Life in this world, which is sometimes known as conventional reality, is seen to be of an experience of duality in everything.
Sitting in meditation we can begin to see how the mind engages with, grasps onto and clings to thought. The process of engaging is accompanied by the expression of preference and as the mind clings more tightly the expression of preference which underlies the perception of duality becomes stronger. When we favour one member of a dualistic pair over its opposite the craving formed by clinging and the expression of preference becomes more pronounced and the sense of duality is enhanced. In other words, in grasping after one “pole” and pushing away the other the apparent contrast between the two “poles” is highlighted. Without insight this drawing out of the appearance of duality elicits further clinging and perpetuates a vicious cycle in which our internal world can become dominated by extremes and, for instance, the constant search for happiness by suppressing anything regarded as making us unhappy. Happiness and sadness may seem to be real opposites and meditators generally crave happiness and an absence of sadness. With the craving for happiness comes a degree of contraction of the mind around sad feelings and an exaggeration of the differences between happiness and sadness. Similarly grasping at the dualistic notion of security generates a strong perception of insecurity which can lead to fear in what is basically a feedback mechanism of mutual fabrication.
Conventional reality, the real world in which we are living right now, is characterised by duality. As we look deeper into the mind, we can begin to see how this duality is created and reinforced. In other words, we are beginning to realise how conventional reality arises.
Practice 1 – The “no preference” meditation. A practice in which participants are invited to settle, to feel the ground beneath them and come to rest before gradually opening up to the whole of their experience. As they rest with their experience the practice moves on to invite them to notice the expression of preference by their minds and how that is linked to the manner in which the mind engages with and clings to thoughts. As the meditation draws to a close the invitation is to begin to let go of preference and see how the mind feels.
Practice 2 – Seeing duality. A practice in which, once settled and grounded, participants are invited to observe the mind engaging with and clinging to thoughts and to notice how clinging solidifies thought. As the meditation moves on the invitation is to observe this solidification of thought and begin to see how clinging enhances the sense of duality that is characteristic of conventional reality.
SESSION 8 – A BRIEF GLIMPSE OF REALITY.
When you woke up this morning, I hope that you found the world largely as you left it. Presumably, the room in which you awoke was the same one you went to sleep in and hopefully, the world outside had not been rearranged. In other words, you woke up to the reality with which you are familiar. A reality which can seem so solid and permanent but yet, when we examine it closely is anything but permanent and solid.
So, what do we actually mean by reality? Perhaps the most obvious answer is that it means everything that appears to our five external senses. In other words, everything that we can see, hear, smell, touch and taste. But can the reality of the material world we see all around us and interact with be reliably verified as real beyond our own experience of it. We could say that all other minds besides your own and everything you experience externally could very well be a dream or illusion, with the only real, absolute certainty being that you are you and you are thinking. Even the very universe itself may not even exist outside of your own mind.
At this point we could go deeply into long philosophical discussions quoting from Greek philosophers such as Gorgias to more modern philosophers such as Descartes and onward to Berkeley and Wheeler. Whilst such discussions would be intellectually fascinating, they would also be very time consuming and take us away from our own personal examination of our realities through the process of meditation using our emotional intelligence.
In the interests of simplicity and the practicalities of insight meditation, the idea is that our reality cannot be verified independently as being anything other than existing in our own consciousness and perceptions. If we are then to examine reality, we must look into our minds to see how the processes of perception, in the widest sense, deal with the information presented by our external sense organs, compare what is being received with what is already known and generate our own version of reality in each and every moment of our lives. Moreover, we must be prepared to question what arises for us and not simply accept our own thoughts and ideas as being necessarily true. In this regard it may be worth reflecting that hallucinogenic drugs can produce visions and experiences that are perceived as very real by the individual undergoing them, yet they are only experienced in that person’s mind. If you are interested you might also like to consider the predictions of quantum physics, now supported by increasing evidence, that no phenomenon is a real phenomenon until it is observed.
Practice 1 – Resting in basic awareness. A practice in which participants are invited to come to rest at a “deep level” of the mind in which they can observe the arising and falling away of all phenomena – sensations, thoughts, the feeling of self, the processes of the mind – and begin to realise the dependent arising of all phenomena.
Practice 2 – Self compassion and the processes of the mind. A practice in which, once settled and grounded, participants are invited to observe the mind engaging with and clinging to thoughts and to notice how clinging solidifies thought. As the meditation moves on the invitation is to observe this solidification of thought and begin to see how this generates what we refer to as conventional reality.
Peter Wilkes 20th December 2022.